A couple things about that election

Politics in Germany was certainly never this fun before. That must be the biggest surprise about the election. The spectacle of Conservatives eagerly wooing the Greens to join their coalition after months, no years, of demonizing them as hippy freaks on acid made for great theater. One leader of the Conservatives went on TV and radio for a week to publicly profess how much his party had in common with the Greens. As the Greens failed to respond to these overtures, the Conservative sounded more and more like Pepe Le Pieu expressing his love to some inanimate object, a vacuum cleaner or pipe fitting, he mistakes for a fellow skunk.

Now that particular skit is over, but the show goes on.

And the Conservatives are not skunks. The more the Socialists behave like power-mad opportunists, the more the Conservatives grow on me. They are not to be confused with American Conservatives. On issues like the environment, health care, and the social safety net, their stances are to the right of the German Socialists, but to the left of the American Democratic Party. They support the Kyoto Agreement on global warming. They believe that the state has a responsibility to protect the poor and promote social equity. They oppose joining the American-led occupation of Iraq.

There are still 1001 reasons not to root for the Conservatives (And Edmund Stoiber constitutes single-handedly reasons # 1-20), but we should be clear about what we're getting. Angie Merkel ain't no Maggie Thatcher.

How 'bout a grand coalition? What say the leaders from these parties just head out for a giant retreat, get really sloshed, and then play spin the bottle in mixed groups until dawn? See what comes of it. Americans would love the idea of a government based on new alliances, a new spirit of togetherness. Wouldn't it be swell if W. and Ted Kennedy spent a few days drinking at the Texas ranch or at Martha's Vineyard. Surely, they'd come back with a realistic plan to save Social Security?

The Germans, however, are horrified at the prospect of any such inter-party orgies. There is just too much history separating the Conservatives and Socialists, too much emotion, too many tragedies. Germany has never embraced the idea of mass, umbrella parties the way Americans have done. Regardless of their growing similarities in policy, CDU and SPD symbolize fundamentally different things. The SPD is the party of workers, dreamers, and social workers. The CDU is the guardian of religion, the family, and men in silly hats and incredibly unflattering trousers. The one party still sings the International. The other party plays bad accordion music. Both parties still have a basic raison d'etre in their opposition to the other. If forced to cohabitate, they will become caricatures of themselves (think Felix and Oscar) and nothing will get done.

I'm afraid it would never be enough to send German party leaders away to a beer-soaked lovefest retreat. It's the people who need a long, groovy vacation.